She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
