I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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