I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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