I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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