Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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