shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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