Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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