I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
