get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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