remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
