Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
