Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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