i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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