You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just pee around me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
