Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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