K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
