and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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