plz talk dirty to me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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