His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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