If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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