Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
