This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
