you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
