Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize