Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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