Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
