They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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