Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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