I faked an abortion last night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize