I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
