Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
