420 ftw
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
