Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
