he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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