can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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