woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
