I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
