soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
