I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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