Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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