I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
