i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
