How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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