in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
