if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
