remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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