Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize