True but thats because hes a fetus.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
