So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
