Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want her autograph on my taint
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
