you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
