I puked a lego.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
