drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i love accidental penises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
