My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
