Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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