So drunk, too bad you don't want this
where am i from again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
