Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
