he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
