I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
