Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
