I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
