Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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