Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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