she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
