plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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