you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
