Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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