I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize