i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
