I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
