Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
