you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
God, I missed his penis.
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