I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So vagazzling was a success
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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