that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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