we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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