If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
