This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
