Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
