Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
