5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
