id be glad to
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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