Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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