It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
