Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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